Ignore the pulse

Pulse at Cineworld St Helens

Ok so I've been on the move again- exploring the depths of sunny Liverpool and Widnes, and very nice it was too. Imagine me treading the path that the venerable Richard and Judy trode only a few short years ago at the rejeuvenated Albert Dock. How privileged I felt.

In fact culture-vulturing took complete precedence over the first day of my visit- and I can personally reccomend the Walker Art Gallery and the modern art collection at Tate Liverpool. Very enriching so it was. However, hungover and seeking some not-too-strenuous entertainment, my good friend chardonnayguzzler and myself headed off to the cinema in nearby St Helens the next day, where the only vaguely enticing film on offer was the anthology of derivative nonsense known as Pulse.

God knows what director Jim Sonzero and screenwriter Wes Craven (writing by numbers on this one) were thinking ('I've run out of ideas so I'll just pinch a few from some more talented creative types overseas' maybe), but a right-royal rehash of some perfectly sound horror movies they've made, oh yes. I havn't seen the original from which it's taken Kairo but I'm pretty sure that it's of a higher calibre that this version. Let's face it, Hollywood just can't too psychological terror.

To start with, the 'ghosts' which are let loose by some unwise computer/broadband tinkering by American computer boffins/college whizkids (sorry, can't remember the names and they're really not important), are low-rent imitations of the truly terrifying creature that came through the television screen in the iconic groundbreaker Ring. The jerky movements, the phasing in and out, the souless eyes- give us a break.

Next up on the plagiarism front is the goulishly derelict apartment building with Soviet era architecture and medieval standards of cleanliness, which has been transported piece-by-piece, stone-by-stone, from supernatural heartstopper/chiller Dark Water; another masterly Japanese shocker which delved into the secret fears of the single woman living alone. WARNING: IF YOU HAVN'T SEEN THIS, DO NOT WATCH IT ALONE.

Lastly, but not least, the voiceover narrative from the final reel is not only derivative but a near-xerox copy of the Terminator epilogue ('the world we know is gone...) . And I havn't even commented on the Sarah Michelle Geller lookylikey (aka Buffy without the spunk). It's really not all bad (a kindly impulse is taking me over) but God knows, we've seen it all before (anyone whose seen any major horror movie of the last ten years that is).

I love Japanese horror movies, but can the English-language remakes just like STOP NOW?

NB. The photo above is not from the movie Pulse- it if was the film would have been far more interesting. GSG.